Love and Marriage
A collection of mostly cynical quotations about men, women, love and marriage
 
 
 
"Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in?"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
"A man is called a good fellow for doing things which, if done by a woman, would land her in a lunatic asylum."
-H L Mencken
 
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him..."
-H L Mencken
 
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
 
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
 
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner
 
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
-Jim Backus
 
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
 
I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
-Noel Coward, 1956
 
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
 
Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
- Lisa Hoffman
 
She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.
- Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee.
 
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.
- Groucho Marx
 
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
 
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
- Mae West
 
"It is most unwise for people in love to marry."
-George Bernard Shaw
 
"It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to keep unmarried as long as he can."
-George Bernard Shaw
 
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
-anon
 
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
-anon
 
Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.
-anon
 
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-anon
 
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
-anon
 
"One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry."
-Oscar Wilde
 
"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."
-Oscar Wilde
 
"Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance."
-Oscar Wilde
 
"Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others."
-Oscar Wilde
 
"One should never know too precisely whom one has married."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
 
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
 
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished."
-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
 
"The only really happy folk are married women and single men. "
-H L Mencken
 
"The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow married her."
-H L Mencken
 
"A man may be a fool and not know it -- but not if he is married."
-H L Mencken
 
"The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman."
-H L Mencken
 
"Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't, they would be married too."
-H L Mencken
 
"Every man is thoroughly happy twice in his life: just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one."
-H L Mencken
 
"Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing they die earlier."
-H L Mencken

Copyright: Kevin Harris 1995 (may be freely distributed with this acknowledgement)